The Gridiron Gods needed a sacrifice. They demanded their pound of flesh.
Stingy Snyder gave them a tiny morsel, offering up the kicker. Not some big, tasty offensive lineman or the juicy quarterback or flabby defensive line or sinewy coach. No. Slender Shaun Suisham, now a former Redskin because he missed a few kicks.
Ok, important kicks.
But booting the booter on a team this bad is like furloughing the lunch ladies at Harvard because the money managers lost $10 Billion. (Actually, Harvard decided to cut faculty cookies and stop serving hot breakfasts to save money this year, I am not making this up!) The second most valuable franchise in professional football history (at $1.6 Billion, the Redskins are second only to the hated Dallas Cowboys valued at $1.7 Billion) might not win another game this season. They are hapless and hopeless. So, they fired the kicker.
This would be a great time to change this sorry team’s sorrier name. You know, put them into the football equivalent of the Witness Protection Program. Let them disappear into anonymity and then start out a whole new life with a new name. “Redfaces” would be good, but that’s just as racist as “Redskins.” Maybe “Dan’s Duds” or “Zorn’s Zeroes” would be fun. Or what about the “Washington Gnats” — oh, we have something like that, too.
Kicking out the kicker is not going to help this bunch. Firing the coach, which seems inevitable, has not exactly been a winning strategy (let’s see, Norv Turner is winning games in San Diego, and Marty Schottenheimer made it to the playoffs after he was fired from the Redskins, and Steve Spurrier is doing pretty good back in college ball, and St. Joseph Gibbs raced back to race cars — there were other coaches, too, largely forgettable….Snyder’s only owned this team for ten years and he’s had almost as many coaches as place kickers.)
How do you solve a problem like the Redskins? Send your comments to me by clicking on the “comments” link below…
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